Dee Moyza

Now with 100% less sarcasm.

Happy New Year! (Bubble gets an encore this year. ;) )

This year, I'd like to slowly get back into writing. I've signed up for getyourwordsout again, I've placed a claim over at 1character, and I've signed up for candyheartsex, hoping to get some inspiration flowing. I've also resurrected my writeblr, though all I have there now is a reblogged list of references.

Last year, I managed to write a little over 11k words, which surprised me; so if I could manage that in a year like 2025, I feel like I can at least match that this year.

In one of my previous posts, I also wished for a new media obsession, and I kinda-sorta found one, though I would say "obsession" is a rather strong word for it. I had seen several people on my Bluesky feed gushing about The Amazing Digital Circus, and I decided to check it out. On a cursory glance, I assumed it would be as absurdist as its character designs and probably insufferably edgy, but I am happy to say it proved me wrong! I think the characters are written very well, and the story has me hooked. I am also now emotionally invested in a sentient chess piece, thank you very much, Gooseworx.

But, Jax, in addition to being my least favorite character, is also obviously fangirl catnip, so I will be avoiding the fandom in general and just enjoying the show for what it is. (I learned my lesson with Aggretsuko.)

I don't know if it's just a side effect of getting older, but I really have lost patience with characters that are cynical/edgy/too-cool-for-you. In the case of Jax, it's obvious that there is something he's trying to hide or deny, and I am interested in his character in that respect. But he's just so needlessly mean to the others (especially poor Gangle!) that I can't be bothered to actually like him. /rant

So, at least I've got a few things going for the start of the year, and hey, I already survived the first day of 2026! Hooray for small victories! :D

1,619 words yesterday, most of which I think I will scrap. Not because they're bad, but because they don't get to the heart of the story.

I am not a long-form writer. I have written a few stories that broke 20k words, and even a couple that broke 50k, but that is not the norm for me. Most stories I write tend to be somewhere between 1500 and 5k words, and these shorter fics come with their own set of issues, the primary one being, where to begin.

( Writing blather )

I have been writing for most of my life, but even now, I'm still learning how to best do things. And admitting when a project is not working and deciding to start over from scratch is something I've found to be quite liberating. I may never completely understand where to start my stories, but I'm getting better at discovering the right point somewhere along the way.

Yoinked from Bluesky:


1. List 3 shipping tropes you love

♥ Friends to lovers
♥ Mutual pining
♥ Fix-it fic

(Can you tell I'm not much of a tropey reader?)

2. List 3 shipping tropes you don't love

× Fake dating
× Enemies to lovers where their animosity is based on immaturity and has no more depth than grade-school playground bs
× Grumpy/sunshine - Yes, I am putting this here because even though I like its narrative potential, it has been too frequently so poorly executed as to leave me wondering why either character can even stand to be in the general vicinity of the other. Piss-poor writing by actually published authors is to blame for my newfound hatred of this trope!

(Can you also tell that my recent foray into romancelandia has left me bitter and scarred?)

3. One emotional aspect of a ship that always gets you

Devotion. The kind where both characters will weather any storm that comes at them without running away, without breaking up, without taking it out on each other. The kind of devotion that makes aging beautiful, the kind that makes the characters feel safe in one another's company.

4. One physical aspect of a ship that always gets you

Light, tender touches. They're so effective regardless of the stage of the relationship the characters are at. Just starting out? Way to up the tension! In an established relationship? Wonderfully comforting and/or a prelude to a sweet love scene. Together for what feels like forever? An affirmation of connection and a comfort with vulnerability.

They're just so versatile! ♥

5. Multiship or mono ship?

Okay, now we're getting into "it depends" territory. Because this does totally depend on the fandom. I like and write both, but in some fandoms, I just can't imagine certain characters in other pairings.

6. Rarepairs or mainstream?

Most of my pairings are mainstream within fandoms small enough that they qualify as rarepairs overall. XD

7. Polyamory or monogamy?

Once again, it depends. On the fandom, and the characters. I've only written monogamous ships so far, but if I feel it fits the characters, I'd definitely consider writing poly.

8. If the ship is physical, reversible or not?

I hate, hate, HATE how so many people assume that romantic/sexual roles are not only hard, defined, and immutable, but also an indicator of personality! I realize that there are people irl who have hard and fast preferences, but there are also plenty who like to switch things up every now and again. Whatever the characters are up for in the moment, I'm on board.

So, reversible.

9. Do you always have romantic ships for fandoms?

No. There are some fandoms where romance just never enters the equation.

10. How important is the sexual part (if any) for your ship?

Listen, I like smut, but it really isn't the core of any ship for me. It's like the cherry on top, fun and sweet, but not necessary for me to enjoy the sundae.

11. Opinion on platonic ships?

Love 'em! I don't write nearly enough of them, but they can be fun ways to explore character dynamics. Not everything has to end in love or sex.

12. List 3 ships you currently love

♥ Barney/Valancy (The Blue Castle)
♥ Red/Auden (Transistor)
♥ Auron/Lulu (Final Fantasy X)

13. List 5 OTPs from other fandoms

I'm not sure I even have 5 OTPs from other fandoms, at least not fandoms I've been active in. Let's see:

• Squall/Rinoa (Final Fantasy VIII)
• Celes/Terra (Final Fantasy VI)
Okay, I'm gonna throw some platonic ships in here (because yes, they count as OTPs in their own way, to me!):
• Aya & Daniel (Parasite Eve)
• Reki & Rakka (Haibane Renmei)
• The girls and James (a platonic OT5 from Derry Girls)

14. Opinion on the importance of marriage?

Generally, none. In fandoms where the characters are already married, however, I do like to imagine them having a good time together.

15. Opinion on OC kids?

NOPE.

Last night, I stepped onto the burlesque stage for the first time in two years. To say I was rusty is an understatement. It did not go well. Everything from a garter slipping down my leg before it was supposed to be removed to my (admittedly cheap, toy) handcuffs breaking during tech rehearsal to said handcuffs catching my pasty and giving people a glimpse of The Forbidden™ on my way offstage, these little mishaps just grated me further. I will own that I was underprepared (between both jobs and a smattering of interviews, the past two weeks were chaos), and that I did not practice walking in heels nearly enough given my time away from them, but at least my props could've played nice!

But if nothing else, I was able to provide one thing for the show: to make everyone else look better. And there were some magnificent performers there, and not just the pro they brought in to make sure that everyone felt they got their money's worth! XD Lots of beautiful costumes and fun routines, and everyone was so supportive and kind. So, despite the frustrations, I did have fun, though I was tired enough from working yesterday morning that I kind of spaced out and left before the tips were divvied up (don't worry, I picked up my share today), and missed out on a post-show gathering over pasties (the edible kind).

It was good to be back. I'm not sure when I'll get another chance, but I hope that when I do, things go a little bit more smoothly!

That must make me extra special, right?

I caught a whiff of the Audra Winter Booktok controversy, and... well! She absolutely deserves all the criticism for overpromising and underdelivering, but a part of me is cringing so hard in secondhand embarrassment. You see, at 19, I was still being a pedantic little shit on Elfwood (I so wish I could properly apologize for that!), and at 22, I was deep in the throes of writing what I was convinced was a masterpiece novel but what was in reality just some bog-standard fantasy slop. My point being, if I had access to the tech and ease of self-publishing that exists today, I could've found myself in a very similar situation (though I don't think I'd be delusional enough to try to create a "multimedia studio" business around the book). So, while I can empathize with Winter, I can't quite feel sympathy for her; we all need our Lessons Learned™, and some people are taught more publicly than others.

I haven't read the book myself (it's no longer available for purchase and the sample has been removed from Amazon), but from the excerpts I read in reviews, it was certainly very rough. Something about the concept, though, has been gnawing at my brain and will not let go until I scream it into the void:

In a world where your personality is literally determined by your zodiac sign, how have people not gamed the system? Don't want a Scorpio child? Simple, just don't have sex in January and February, and you have a pretty good chance of not having one! How have entire star signs not been bred out due to "undesirable" traits? Are people forced to conceive during certain windows? Is there a class-based system at play? Is there some kind of delicate astrological balance that must be maintained or else the world will implode?

Like I said, I haven't read the book, but based on the reviews, I don't think the author went that deep with this concept. Which is a shame, because it does have a lot of dystopian potential. Ultimately, the author knows what story she wants to tell. I do wish she would respect her readers enough to make sure that it was edited and coherent before accepting money for it, though.

I also would hope that in that alternate universe where I am a young adult with access to current technology and way too much confidence in my creative pursuits, that I would at least have that.

After all, I am an Ophiuchus, the specialest of the special signs. 😝

...and it is suburbia.

I had an interview with a place inside one of the newer "master-planned communities" around here and it was a miserable area to navigate. Twisting roads that went this way and that and arbitrarily changed names, all lined with the same small variety of little houses stuck so close together that they might as well be apartments.

*Shudder*

It took me half an hour to find my destination once I entered the neighborhood, and fifteen minutes to find the road back to civilization on my way out, the city skyline beckoning but unreachable.

I have glimpsed the dreary domestic ideal for far too many people, and while it may work for them (I can't image how), I, for one, may never recover.

Hey, remember this? Yeah, me neither.

10. Top three favorite fic tropes.

- Friends to Lovers
- Mutual Pining
- Hurt/Comfort

(Can you tell I live for the sexual tension?)

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

- Enemies-to-Lovers (listen, there has to be some actual enmity here, not just "oh noes, we don't like the same ice cream flavor!")
- Grumpy/Sunshine (especially when it's always the heroine who's the Sunshine. It's not her job to fix you, you pathetic sadsack of a man!)
- Small-business AU (coffee shop/flower shop/bakery/etc.)

To be honest, though, I'm not really much of a trope reader. I generally use tropes to filter out things I'm not interested in reading.

* * *

Full list of questions here.

It's been a while. Overall, I'm doing okay.

Job stuff

I'm still enjoying my part-time job (well, enjoying as much as one can enjoy having to work; I like the atmosphere and my coworkers, and that makes SUCH a difference), but I'm starting to put out feelers for a different full-time one. My mental health comes into play with that one, mostly in the hours upon hours of braindead boredom inherent in custodial work. When I'm having a good day, it's fine; I get to daydream and stuff. But when I start to spiral, there's nothing to stop it, nothing to distract me from that, and that's made the whole endeavor more stressful than it should be. I don't need to do anything important; just something that keeps my mind occupied even at a basic level.

Facebook can suck it

Anyway, with all this going on, my brain decided that now, of all times, would be the best time to jump back into burlesque. I know, it's ridiculous! But I've signed up for a multi-week class, and I was accepted into a short-term mentorship program in which I get assistance in developing a solo act, with a weekend-long event at the end. It's exciting, but unfortunately, the event has chosen Facebook as its means of communication. 🤮 I don't have an account (I tried one back in, like, 2012, but got spooked by Facebook recommending me people I went to grade school with. NO.), so I made one under my stage name, and even made a little logo to use as a profile picture. I probably shouldn't have told FB I was 120 years old, though, since that seems to have triggered an account suspension that can only be appealed with a video selfie. Um, no. NO.

I'll email my assigned mentor and ask if I can check in via e-mail, the way God intended electronic communication to be handled, and if not, I can always withdraw. We already have so little privacy in this world, why would I willingly submit myself to the slimy grasp of Meta's incredibly invasive tentacles?

In happier happenings, I'm finally getting a feel for the outline I've written for my fairytale bang fic. It's been a struggle, mostly in concentration. XD I've also been chilling with some old video games the past few days. I appreciate Final Fantasy X more with each playthrough. I remember that when I played it the first time, back in the early 00s, I wasn't particularly keen on it. I didn't warm to Tidus at all, and Yuna's quiet nature made her seem passive after Rinoa and Selphie and even Garnet. But now I see the strength beneath her quietness, and I love her so much. I've even come around to liking Tidus. He's just a goofy kid that got swept up in something much more serious, and I enjoy watching him grow into his role as a guardian. Also, he and Yuna are just too cute together! Also-also: Kimahri, my beloved. ❤ Who wouldn't want a giant blue kittycat as a bodyguard?

I'm probably going to jump into X-2 after this. Despite the tonal whiplash from FFX and the cartoonish stupidity of the early chapters in particular, I really enjoy the gameplay, and the story also has some surprisingly effective scenes. I still get a chill when Yuna sees Bahamut for the first time in X-2. What has so far been an easy-breezy romp through Spira suddenly takes on a darker undertone, and Bahamut's presence here feels so appropriately wrong. Also, doing all the requirements for the Tidus ending and having Yuna decide that she doesn't need the fayth to bring him back because he's been with her the whole time, in her heart and in her memories. Oh, my heart! 😭

And then there's Paine. Paine is coolness incarnate (well, in-pixelate), and a great temper to the other girls' hyperactivity. Love her!

Okay, this got rambly. Basically, I'm still kicking, and taking a bit of downtime for myself when and where I can get it. The days are getting longer and the trees are budding and blooming, and even though I dread the coming of summer, it is so nice to leave the darkness of winter behind.

Recently, I picked up a pinch hit for ficinabox and knocked out a couple thousand words. The fic isn't great at the moment, but I have a few days to nip and tuck and pinch and tweak it into something I'm proud of. At this point, I'm just proud of having written something else so soon!

Total words written since the last update: 8,308
Total words written this year: 16,427
Total days written since the last update: 2
Total days written this year: 7

I came across this post on Tumblr and I'm ridiculously emotional over it. I touched on this a little bit in my tags, but it is important to see this side of men, and see it regularly. So much of the media we consume, from news to entertainment, practically inundates us with the worst behavior men have to offer, to the point where, for some of us, fear -- or, at the very least, suspicion -- seems to be the only viable reaction to the presence of any masculine-presenting person.*

To see, then, men who love deeply, and express that love in ways that are unique to them and the recipient of their love, is incredibly heartening. All of the gestures mentioned in that post are invaluable, and run so much deeper than rote recitation of three words or a bouquet of flowers or sparkling jewels (though chocolate is still appreciated ;) ). To me, this is love in its truest sense, a giving of oneself, for the comfort or joy or memory, or even the simple companionship, of another. It is not necessarily a sacrifice, because what they give is not gone, it simply becomes something else that they can share with others.

And to incorporate this into my ongoing quest to buy milkshakes at Home Depot, I think this kind of love is what is missing in many of the stories that I read. I find too many that rely on conflict and misunderstanding, or love as possession (which, if those tropes are your jam, you do you, enjoy!), but neglect the smaller pieces that make up a larger relationship. Please give me more quiet moments and thoughtful gestures and gifts between both parties that are unique to their characters as individuals. Please give me little moments of genuine connection, of genuine love, of a relationship that feels safe and nurturing. The world is mean enough, frightening enough, right now; let me find a safe harbor in this storm, even if it's only for a few hours. Let me have the freedom to wish for something better.

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*Just to clear some stuff up: I had a good home life, with a good father who loved both me and my mother, but I was aware that, even among my close family, this seemed to be the exception, and not the rule. Having since been single all my life and only encountering men on a regular basis as coworkers and supervisors (to whom I am inferior unless I am giving 110% all day every day), it's fair to say that my view of men is incredibly skewed. But that's exactly why posts like these are important, to show men who are loving and kind, and who find ways to express that love that are unique to them and their lived experiences.