Well, I could've told you that!
Sep. 13th, 2023 11:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deemoyzaGuess who got an official ADHD diagnosis at [REDACTED] years of age? I really hadn't even considered the possibility I might have it until early last year. I've always been a bit fidgety, but (say it with me) did well in school and, for the most part, at work. And I thought my procrastination and tendency to wait until the last minute to complete projects was just a character quirk. But then I came across a video by How to ADHD on someone else's blog, and things started to fall into place.
The video in question had the host visiting a Target and finding a lot of fun items marketed toward kids that helped her better manage her own ADHD symptoms. Cute, I thought, and I started to see that I worked similarly: I find a lot of items marketed toward adults/the general public to be drab and boring, and I often need that pop of color and cuteness and novelty that come with items marketed toward the younger set. So, I followed a link to her channel to see if she had any other tips on un-boring-fying my environment, and I saw videos about procrastination, the inability to begin projects, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and the like, and the more I watched, the more I recognized myself in these videos.
The final push to get me to request an official diagnosis was a questionnaire from my psychiatrist's office, in which all of my answers fell into the ADHD-likely category. So, I asked her about it, she scheduled a QB Test for me, and I spent an agonizing twenty minutes watching insipid little shapes pop up on a computer screen. I left that test agitated and more than a little grumpy, which was probably a diagnosis all on its own.
I visited my psychiatrist for the results yesterday, and she read them through with me. I ranked in the 99th percentile for most of the categories, which she explained as, "99% of the control group was more attentive/less active/less impulsive than you were." XD I really could have told anyone that before the test!
At this point, I'm going to go ahead and try therapy to manage my symptoms, because figuring out antidepressants + stimulants is not a battle I want to fight just yet. But it is so nice to know that there is an explanation for why I think and act like I do, and I'm not simply broken (or worse, that I've gradually become dumber since halfway through high school). Looking back, I can see these symptoms in my younger self, but they were either mitigated or outright accommodated by my interests and environment. (Basically, I was a good student because I was interested in what I was learning, and I was allowed to run and play in the afternoons to get all of my excess energy out. Which makes me question, exactly who is adult life designed for? I need playtime, damn it! ;) )
Anyway, it's been a long time coming, but it feels incredible to know that I'm not broken. :)
The video in question had the host visiting a Target and finding a lot of fun items marketed toward kids that helped her better manage her own ADHD symptoms. Cute, I thought, and I started to see that I worked similarly: I find a lot of items marketed toward adults/the general public to be drab and boring, and I often need that pop of color and cuteness and novelty that come with items marketed toward the younger set. So, I followed a link to her channel to see if she had any other tips on un-boring-fying my environment, and I saw videos about procrastination, the inability to begin projects, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and the like, and the more I watched, the more I recognized myself in these videos.
The final push to get me to request an official diagnosis was a questionnaire from my psychiatrist's office, in which all of my answers fell into the ADHD-likely category. So, I asked her about it, she scheduled a QB Test for me, and I spent an agonizing twenty minutes watching insipid little shapes pop up on a computer screen. I left that test agitated and more than a little grumpy, which was probably a diagnosis all on its own.
I visited my psychiatrist for the results yesterday, and she read them through with me. I ranked in the 99th percentile for most of the categories, which she explained as, "99% of the control group was more attentive/less active/less impulsive than you were." XD I really could have told anyone that before the test!
At this point, I'm going to go ahead and try therapy to manage my symptoms, because figuring out antidepressants + stimulants is not a battle I want to fight just yet. But it is so nice to know that there is an explanation for why I think and act like I do, and I'm not simply broken (or worse, that I've gradually become dumber since halfway through high school). Looking back, I can see these symptoms in my younger self, but they were either mitigated or outright accommodated by my interests and environment. (Basically, I was a good student because I was interested in what I was learning, and I was allowed to run and play in the afternoons to get all of my excess energy out. Which makes me question, exactly who is adult life designed for? I need playtime, damn it! ;) )
Anyway, it's been a long time coming, but it feels incredible to know that I'm not broken. :)
no subject
Date: 2023-09-13 09:37 pm (UTC)I think about this a lot, to be honest. Once I realized how ableist so much of contemporary adult life can be, it's difficult not to be frustrated by how simple and easy and effective the alternatives are. Literally everyone needs playtime.
But congratulations on getting a diagnosis! For me, a lot fell into place when I realized during my mid-20s what was going on with my ADHD, and multiple areas of my life started improving within the span of three months. I'm sending good wishes and good energy, along with good hopes that you have a similarly positive and transformative experience.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 02:21 am (UTC)And regarding playtime, it doesn't even have to be physical (though that helps, if one can play physically, with health and excess fidgety energy)! Just this morning, I lay in bed for a solid half hour after waking, simply daydreaming like I used to, about everything and nothing in particular, and I felt so much better -- clearer -- than I have in ages. Between stress and meds messing with my mental health, I hadn't had a daydreaming session like that in a long time, and I forgot just how much I missed it and how beneficial it really is. :) So yeah, just some time to simply be and follow one's whimsy is something sorely lacking in modern life.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 03:50 am (UTC)(Also I friggin want that rainbow peg toy)
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 02:25 am (UTC)And I agree, that peg toy looks awesome! The combination of tactility and bright colors is incredibly appealing. :)