Fanfiction: "Shoeshine" (Final Fantasy VI)

[deemoyza]

[This fic is no longer available to read. I'm just keeping this post for my word-count record.]

Stupid FF6 PWP

Title: Shoeshine (2,209 words)
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Final Fantasy VI
Rating/Warnings: Explicit / Explicit sexual content, dubcon based on nature of situation
Characters: Celes Chere, Setzer Gabbiani
Relationships: Celes/Setzer
Summary: After kidnapping "Maria" from the opera, Setzer is eager to collect his prize, and the rest of the party is late.
Notes: A shameless alternate scene PWP

Comments

[sapientesgladio]

Waiiiiit nooooo.

Why'd you get rid of it? ; w ;

Did this go away in the fic purge too?

[deemoyza]

Sorry about this! I got rid of this fic simply because I didn't like it, but kept the post to show that I wasn't trying to fudge my word count.

I still struggle a lot with having written smut (as opposed to actually writing it), and that's why some of my more detailed fics on AO3 are now orphaned. Since this one was pure PWP, I just couldn't bring myself to leave it online.

It's all got to do with some bizarre internalized shame that I can't kick, despite knowing it's pointless for me to hold onto. I certainly don't mind reading spicy fics, or even writing them; it's more a sense of shame knowing that my smutty fic is out there in the world, even if it's attached only to a screen name with no semblance to my real name.

*sigh* I don't even know. I think I'll just call this a massive case of Growing Up Catholic. XD

[sapientesgladio]

Nuuuuuu....

I'm glad you can at least share that with me! I wish I was able to read this before it got removed 😭

Idk if there's a way to overcome something like this without some form of therapy, especially if it specializes religious oriented things. It def might be something guilt related that good ole religion trauma leaves on.

I'm still cheering you on because you deserve to have smut attached to your username and be content with them 😭

I unfortunately have zero advice because I managed to get lucky to not be born to an overly religious family (especially since I also lived with my grandparents too, who, unlike their other family members, were not heavily expecting us to go to church. Which I will say, is extremely rare. The older gens love themselves some salvation and instilling fear) so I know it's not that helpful 😭.

I would like to believe that this will be something to overcome, even if it takes a little bit. 🥺💕

[deemoyza]

Thank you so much for your support! 🥰 💕

Oddly enough, my family wasn't super-devout Catholics, but I was in the Catholic atmosphere long enough to pick up its screwed-up ideas surrounding guilt and shame. I am currently seeing a therapist who specializes in sexual issues (e.g., orientation, identity, shame, sex life, etc.), and she's helped me a lot so far, but it's a long road to getting fully comfortable with it. But it's a start! 😊

For the time being, until I can get comfortable having such stories attached to my username (without them being part of exchanges), I think I have worked out a compromise: make them accessible only by link. So, here you go, if you'd like to check this fic out! (It really is a fluffy bit of nothing, so don't expect too much! 😅)

Thanks again for your support, and I hope that someday, I will be comfortable firing off PWPs and posting them proudly for people to read! 😊