Speed (Dater) 2: Cruise Control
May. 20th, 2023 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deemoyzaBecause I am a firm believer in banging my head against (metaphorical) walls and ultimately making myself unwelcome everywhere, I tried a couple more rounds of speed dating at the same bar as before. And, lo and behold, I really did feel like I was on cruise control; I was actually conversing with ease.
Of course, it helped that at the first event of the two, the same four guys from the April event showed up, plus a new face who was actually really cute, but maybe kinda young (for me). With the awkward introductions out of the way, it became just a relaxed chat session, and I had a lot of fun this time.
The following week, I went to their ladies-only event, and met some really cool women (seriously, there was one who worked on planes in the Navy, raced motorcycles, and helped a car company at their test track; how cool is that?!), most of whom actually understood and shared(!) my interests. Let's just say, there are plenty of women out there who are still fond of older video games and music from decades past. XD I really did feel like I could have made a few matches, so I took a chance and listed some names.
Now, here's where things get weird. After each event, regardless of whether you matched with anyone, the organizer sends you an email thanking you for attending and inviting you to the next event. I received one from my very first event, back in April. This time, I didn't receive an email after the standard session, but I put this down to maybe having written my email illegibly (or written it down wrong, I know my brain). However, I also failed to receive an email from the ladies-only event, where I triple-checked my email address to make sure there was no mistake. I don't know why.
All I can think of at this point is that I must have rubbed somebody the wrong way, and I am quietly being discouraged from attending future events. Fine by me. I would just like to know what I might have done. I was unfailingly polite with all the other daters, and never even brought up anything remotely controversial. And, more than being discouraged from showing up again, what bothers me the most is that, if I did unknowingly hurt someone, I would really appreciate the chance to apologize. Not being able to, and not knowing which behaviors to change going forward, really gnaws at me.
I've been working with my therapist on depersonalizing situations, and I understand the importance of that. But this feels personal, and all I would like is the chance to apologize for whatever it is I might have done and change my behavior in the future.
Oh well, back to square one.
Of course, it helped that at the first event of the two, the same four guys from the April event showed up, plus a new face who was actually really cute, but maybe kinda young (for me). With the awkward introductions out of the way, it became just a relaxed chat session, and I had a lot of fun this time.
The following week, I went to their ladies-only event, and met some really cool women (seriously, there was one who worked on planes in the Navy, raced motorcycles, and helped a car company at their test track; how cool is that?!), most of whom actually understood and shared(!) my interests. Let's just say, there are plenty of women out there who are still fond of older video games and music from decades past. XD I really did feel like I could have made a few matches, so I took a chance and listed some names.
Now, here's where things get weird. After each event, regardless of whether you matched with anyone, the organizer sends you an email thanking you for attending and inviting you to the next event. I received one from my very first event, back in April. This time, I didn't receive an email after the standard session, but I put this down to maybe having written my email illegibly (or written it down wrong, I know my brain). However, I also failed to receive an email from the ladies-only event, where I triple-checked my email address to make sure there was no mistake. I don't know why.
All I can think of at this point is that I must have rubbed somebody the wrong way, and I am quietly being discouraged from attending future events. Fine by me. I would just like to know what I might have done. I was unfailingly polite with all the other daters, and never even brought up anything remotely controversial. And, more than being discouraged from showing up again, what bothers me the most is that, if I did unknowingly hurt someone, I would really appreciate the chance to apologize. Not being able to, and not knowing which behaviors to change going forward, really gnaws at me.
I've been working with my therapist on depersonalizing situations, and I understand the importance of that. But this feels personal, and all I would like is the chance to apologize for whatever it is I might have done and change my behavior in the future.
Oh well, back to square one.
