I started another farm in Stardew Valley recently, and gender-neutral girlies, I get it now. I understand the love for Elliot.

I don't know what's different this go-around, but I think being more familiar with the game lets me spend more time getting to know the villagers, and he truly is charming. (That scene in the pub is precious!) While I intend to keep my farmer an eternal bachelorette, I do not feel like my pomegranates were wasted on him.

I'm sorry I called him Fabio. I'm sorry I called him fake. I was ignorant and blind to his charm. Stardew fans, forgive me, for now I have seen the light!

In other Stardew Valley discoveries, starfruit products make ridiculous profits. My farmer is rich enough for me to feel guilty about it. If only there was a way to build Penny a house without fully upgrading my own first (the final upgrade is waaaay too big for my tastes), I would be completely satisfied.

12. If you write in more than one language, what’s the difference?

Nope, just English.

13. Rate your worldbuilding skills from 1 to 10.

I'd say 5. I love worldbuilding, but I don't do much of it, at least not from scratch. I enjoy exploring details of others' worlds and filling in the gaps, but when it comes to creating my own, I often get bogged down by the details. I think my biggest problem is trying to preempt any questions or criticisms, and then I just get too far into the weeds with the teensiest little thing that only relates to the plot tangentially for two sentences, and I get overwhelmed.

14. Write and share the first sentence of a new fic. Just that.

"He saw a flash of red between the falling stones, bouncing and weaving toward him."

15. What’s your favorite plotless fic you have written?

Good (Transistor, Red/Auden). Short, sweet, and to the point. No story here, just one of my favorite fictional couples enjoying a good time after a night on the town.

16. Are one-shots really underrated?

Yes.

* * *

Full list of questions here.

My bang fic is not playing nice with me right now, so I suppose I must confess...

One of the main reasons I signed up for this was to get art for The Blue Castle characters. (^^;) Selfish, yeah! But TBC is such a small fandom, and there's so little fanart for it, that I thought it would be nice to see someone else's take on the characters, even in an AU setting.

At this point, though, I think I'd be better off saving up money for a commission. But how to accurately describe Barney Snaith? Aside from shaggy hair and prominent ears, he's kind of hard to describe... and that description could befit a sheepdog! XD

Anyway, I'll keep poking at my fic. I really do want to see this event through, but I've hit the "waning energy" stage and haven't even reached the halfway point yet.

What can I say? The Beauty became a Beast!

It's been a while. Overall, I'm doing okay.

Job stuff

I'm still enjoying my part-time job (well, enjoying as much as one can enjoy having to work; I like the atmosphere and my coworkers, and that makes SUCH a difference), but I'm starting to put out feelers for a different full-time one. My mental health comes into play with that one, mostly in the hours upon hours of braindead boredom inherent in custodial work. When I'm having a good day, it's fine; I get to daydream and stuff. But when I start to spiral, there's nothing to stop it, nothing to distract me from that, and that's made the whole endeavor more stressful than it should be. I don't need to do anything important; just something that keeps my mind occupied even at a basic level.

Facebook can suck it

Anyway, with all this going on, my brain decided that now, of all times, would be the best time to jump back into burlesque. I know, it's ridiculous! But I've signed up for a multi-week class, and I was accepted into a short-term mentorship program in which I get assistance in developing a solo act, with a weekend-long event at the end. It's exciting, but unfortunately, the event has chosen Facebook as its means of communication. 🤮 I don't have an account (I tried one back in, like, 2012, but got spooked by Facebook recommending me people I went to grade school with. NO.), so I made one under my stage name, and even made a little logo to use as a profile picture. I probably shouldn't have told FB I was 120 years old, though, since that seems to have triggered an account suspension that can only be appealed with a video selfie. Um, no. NO.

I'll email my assigned mentor and ask if I can check in via e-mail, the way God intended electronic communication to be handled, and if not, I can always withdraw. We already have so little privacy in this world, why would I willingly submit myself to the slimy grasp of Meta's incredibly invasive tentacles?

In happier happenings, I'm finally getting a feel for the outline I've written for my fairytale bang fic. It's been a struggle, mostly in concentration. XD I've also been chilling with some old video games the past few days. I appreciate Final Fantasy X more with each playthrough. I remember that when I played it the first time, back in the early 00s, I wasn't particularly keen on it. I didn't warm to Tidus at all, and Yuna's quiet nature made her seem passive after Rinoa and Selphie and even Garnet. But now I see the strength beneath her quietness, and I love her so much. I've even come around to liking Tidus. He's just a goofy kid that got swept up in something much more serious, and I enjoy watching him grow into his role as a guardian. Also, he and Yuna are just too cute together! Also-also: Kimahri, my beloved. ❤ Who wouldn't want a giant blue kittycat as a bodyguard?

I'm probably going to jump into X-2 after this. Despite the tonal whiplash from FFX and the cartoonish stupidity of the early chapters in particular, I really enjoy the gameplay, and the story also has some surprisingly effective scenes. I still get a chill when Yuna sees Bahamut for the first time in X-2. What has so far been an easy-breezy romp through Spira suddenly takes on a darker undertone, and Bahamut's presence here feels so appropriately wrong. Also, doing all the requirements for the Tidus ending and having Yuna decide that she doesn't need the fayth to bring him back because he's been with her the whole time, in her heart and in her memories. Oh, my heart! 😭

And then there's Paine. Paine is coolness incarnate (well, in-pixelate), and a great temper to the other girls' hyperactivity. Love her!

Okay, this got rambly. Basically, I'm still kicking, and taking a bit of downtime for myself when and where I can get it. The days are getting longer and the trees are budding and blooming, and even though I dread the coming of summer, it is so nice to leave the darkness of winter behind.

Never mind, the sun came up, I'm feeling better.

Wow, there really is truth to the saying that darkest hours come right before dawn.

Yesterday, I nabbed Cultist Simulator on sale for Switch, and I'm really glad I didn't pay full price. I knew going in that this game has a steep learning curve, but damn, if the permadeath isn't disheartening.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not well-versed enough in Lovecraftian lore to get all (read: any) of the references, but I love the dark and unsettling tone of the game, and the lurid details of the lore you discover. I just wish I could keep learning more, but nooo, I have to starve, or become a sacrifice, or be so consumed by dread that I volunteer my own "game over." Yes, this is a time- and resource-management strategy game, but give a gal a chance! XD

Curious as to whether I was doing anything right, I checked out a YouTube playthrough and was stunned to discover that you actually can complete the game as the starter character. Here I thought you were supposed to die the first time around, as a sort of prologue to the game, since some other characters seem to reference the Aspirant's death later on. But apparently, this is The Little Aspirant That Could, and I have bungled their path toward ascension. Oh, well. I had an easier go of it as The Physician, simply because their job is steady and requires no other resource. I played my cards carefully, building up funds and skills and lore before I even began talking to people. But I became careless and neglected to notice how much Dread was building up, and by the time I realized I was in trouble, there was no time left to buy the Physician a little opium to cheer them up. Game over. 😭

In addition to my ignorance, I'll also admit that I'm not generally patient, but can be coaxed into patience with an interesting story, so I wasn't so much bummed about losing the lore and stuff I've learned (though I was pretty miffed, tbh! It took a considerable amount of grinding.) as I was about the events I didn't get to see or try, or those I couldn't discover a use for. I locked an early follower into a cupboard out of curiosity, thinking I could release them later. They died in there. I tried intimidating another new follower with follower #1's corpse. No effect. I almost began an affair with a twitchy, knife-loving follower, but I guess I was just too vanilla for him. One of my followers kidnapped a stranger, and I was looking for some way to leverage this, but the poor fellow died in captivity. But, most frustrating of all, I finally had a sacrifice for Polly, but my Physician plunged into the depths of despair before I could see what that sacrifice could unlock.

*screamingcryingtearingouthair*

Will I give this another go? Probably, after I've had a bit of time to get over that last bit. I've heard that Book of Hours, from the same developer, has a nearly identical system without the permadeath, so I think I might try that one out before coming back to Cultist Simulator. I don't mind the work, I don't mind the trial-and-error gameplay in and of itself, but I just don't think I'm up for such a punishing game at the moment.

I signed up for Once Upon a Bang, and I'm super excited for my concept. The problem is that the bang is run exclusively through Discord, and I'm, uh, a little lost there. I never was in any chat rooms back in the day; I preferred message boards, and the closest I got to a chat was IMs with friends. As such, diving headfirst into Discord is overwhelming, to say the least. 😰

I'll keep making a good-faith effort to understand it, though, for the sake of this event.

But damn, I feel so old.

Time to dress up, eat cheese, and write smut!

Stay safe out there, everyone, and see you in 2025! 🎉

Oops, I accidentally skipped number 19 in the last batch! 🤪 I'll include it here. I know how to count, I swear!

19. A thing that took you a long time to make

"Curious as a Cat" (FF8, Quistis/OMC). It was my first multi-chapter fic, my first fic to break 50k words, and my most ambitious fic project at the time. If I recall correctly, it took me several months to write, and then another few months to scrap the original ending and write one that I feels tied up the story a bit better.

(And that's of the things I've actually written. I do have original fic ideas bouncing around in my brain from over a decade ago, and I still don't trust myself to have the skill to pull them off!)

23. The fluffiest/cheesiest/cringiest thing you made

"Still the One" (Transistor, Red/Blue). What can I say? This pairing turns my brain to mush. ♥ ♥ ♥

24. A thing you made specifically for your own tastes

Most of what I write, to be honest. I will put my own personal tastes aside, to an extent, when writing for somebody else, but even then, I invest some joy and/or curiosity in the story. If I don't like what I'm writing, I stop writing it, because it definitely won't turn out well.

Buuut... for the sake of playing along with this prompt, I'll say "Curious as a Cat" again. This is pure headcanonery and absolute wish-fulfillment fic. I just wanted to see Quistis happy for once, and have her find that there is so much more to life than Garden. A total self-indulgent fic, I don't regret writing it, and fondly reread it every now and again. :)

16. A thing your childhood self would have loved/needed

Seeing my writing in printed, bound book! Last year, I published a few fics for myself via Lulu (technically, you're not supposed to publish fanfic through them, but because it's only for my own enjoyment and not for sale, I think it's okay). I had fun designing the covers and it's really neat to see them sitting on my bookshelf.

For the record, I did this for "Easy Silence," a collection of The Blue Castle fics, and my original fic, "Home is Where You Hold Me."

17. A thing that would have made your childhood self blush

Anything involving so much as a kiss. I was a weird, straight-laced, prudish child. XD But for the sake of this question, I'll go ahead and say "Easy Silence" (FFX, Auron/Lulu), my first E-rated fic.

18. A thing made for your own healing/comfort

I can't think of anything off the top of my head. I generally don't turn to my creativity for comfort; it's more of an entertainment thing for me. That said, some fics have been cathartic, and I have cried while writing them, but I think that's more to do with being in the character's headspace than anything to do with my own personal wounds.